Serve Him Today

Yesterday seemed to be one of those "dark" days. After taking a shower around 10:15am, I had fallen into a spell of depression. I think people respond to depression in various ways, as after I cleansed myself up I fell back into bed. I struggled with getting myself back up and in gear. It was just after 1pm when I finally got up and moving.

Mother says the choices I am making furthers me into depression. Also, I think it is partially due or a lot to due with the grieving period, being unemployed, and struggling with figuring out what I should be doing with my life. Inactivity kicks in too... I need to find more productive, and meaningful activities to do to keep me busy.

In the afternoon, as I was reading the newspaper the "Dear Abby" section caught my attention. In our newspaper today, it is not "Abby" anymore. It is "Annie" and "Amy". The two passages seemed to resonate with some of my current situations. In Annie's mailbox, a wife writes about her husband, who's in his 30's and is having trouble with deciding on a career path. He is afraid of failure, and is heavily influence on his family values; his mother's input. A father writes in to Amy in regards to the living arrangements he and his wife has offered to their 23-year old son. I am just two years older than the recent college graduate, living at home with difficulty on the career path scheme of things. I enjoy reading other people's issues which are similar to mine, and hope to reflect, learn, and grow from them. In any situation, reading about other people's accounts can re-affirm - you are not alone.

This morning's devotional, Serve Him Today written by David McCasland also spoke to me just as strongly as yesterday's newspaper passages... just on another facet of life. I won't go into the religious passages, portions of the devotional but after having a rough start to yesterday, the devotional brought me encouragement to last me, hopefully for some time. A sentence that stuck out like a sore thumb, yet perfectly was this: 'We can't undo yesterday, but we can act today to influence tomorrow'.


1st Samuel 12, v.24 "But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you."

It's been one of those beautiful - dark days...

There are two people out there that I've met and would fall for... the thing is I haven't fallen completely. But, things would be far from perfect.

I am only use to men.

I question myself a lot... as in what it would be like to pursue something with a woman. The thing is that she would be the first female I've been with. We both would have past histories with men to bring to the table.

I could just be another guy to her, but to me... she'd be a part of a first time experience, which the thought of it, brings thrill and excitement to me.

Good Friday

Why do the most beautiful days... with sunshine, and blue skies have to be the dark ones, internally?

Feeling frustrated, and a sense of guilt are never too good.

I went for a walk on the trail this morning. I couldn't make it all the way... I felt I needed to get back home - to write? Yes, perhaps...

When I go walking, running on the Catherine Valley Trail, it brings the best and worst out of me. It can be a very emotional trip; form of exercise.

I wasn't too happy turning around but something did seem wrong...

I am back home though, where everything is just fine. It's just... me.

As I was ending up my dose of sunshine, trying to be upbeat about things, the song - Gethsemane (I Only Want To Say), from Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical, JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR came up on my ipod. Yes, randomly - on Good Friday. As I question... How the most beautiful days out there, can also be the darkest ones.

On a lighter note, as I approached my bedroom door, "Say Liza" (Liza with a "Z") was playing on the ipod. What privilege to share my birthday, March 12th with Ms. Liza Minnelli.

A Smile for Ani!

I feel okay - cool... feeling good.

I am happy that she's happy. It is inspiring!

Happiness is attainable.

Look at Ani! My joy cannot be containable.

Her music moves me; awakening the mind, body, and soul. Her happiness propels me into some brighter, beautiful days!

When the darker days arise, she's there. I mean, she has been there...

She just moves me; just makes me wanna go!

Up the road she goes... where one has strummed her guitar, heart-strings so. Where happiness seems to grow.

We are on different paths, I know.

When happiness pierces into my heart as your music just soothes my soul...

Well, Ani! That is the happiness I long to know.