Someday they will come - the right words; the words...

It is the evening of Tuesday January 4th, 2011. I am writing under the influence of coffee, the urge and needing to.

My last piece I wrote (unpublished via net) pertained to my father's death. There's so much that comes to my mind on the subject... but I'm just not ready to write about every detail that comes to mind.

With father's death just before Christmas, the anticipation of celebrating the holiday and the new year was definitely something to look forward too. The holidays went by fast, and now I feel I call this period "the long haul". It is very quiet in the home, and without Dad's presence around... his absence is kicking in. I am struggling with going out in public and finding myself with my head low. I feel I could break into tears just walking down the street of our village; walking his dog.

I find myself alone, staring where his study/desk is... asking in dead silence, "Dad, where are you?" and tear up.

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There's so much I want to say about life and current happenings with my family which is consisting of mother, and my older sister, Brittany.

Today though, I found myself in conversation with Victor, from Tobati, Paraguay. It brings me much happiness to talk to people from my birth country. In a way that seems odd to describe other than saying the way that it is... it brings me hope. We talked about the languages, culture, soccer, and he complimented me on my knowledge of the country... in which I feel is very little, but of all countries... publications on Paraguay are a rare find. I have two books I peep into periodically.

I need to wrap up, walk Black Jack, and call it a night!

Friday Morning thoughts

It's Hispanic Heritage Month in the United States, September 15-October 15th. As much as I love the fall season, this celebrated occasion always tends to creep up on me. I was just thinking about this time, next year... I will be on my way to turning 26 years old! Time, can you please stand still? I will need to reach the age of 25, successfully!

I have been listening to my Pandora station devoted to the Gipsy Kings a lot lately... sparks the interest in finding some sense of identity. Where do I come from? I believe knowing or in in my case, finding your roots is very important, or should be valued well.

I had been washing dishes this morning, listening to Latino music, and thinking to myself... in the motherland, taking care of of the family and home - is still mostly the females responsabilidad, no? It seems to remind me of the 1950's America - conservative era, as the men would be out working towards putting a meal on the table. In retrospect, I could go outside and rake the fall leaves... which would be an act of love; familia responsabilidad.

As I was finishing up with the dishes, our cat, Euchre helped himself to his dish of food. Normally, we put the dish back on the counter from his previous meal time. Dad had left the dish out though, so as I saw Euchre come out into the kitchen, I remarked "Euchre... helping yourself!! I wish to do the same..."

Good Friday to you!