Sunday, March 15, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The tears of Tuesday
I'm on my bed rocking back and forth with my laptop... well on 'da lap.
Shedding the most subtle tears listening to this music via itunes.
The music I feel that defines me but I don't know any more... or my music taste is so complex that ... that means I'm so complex.
As I fiddle my hand through my hair I wish someone was beside me to rub my back, comfort me, but there hasn't been anyone and I fear there will be no one. Ever.
I still rock back and forth, thinking it's just the natural thing to do --- as seen from TV, movies, and shows. So I'm not sure if people of the human condition really do this when they are upset or just so confused like myself.
My tears have dryed up.
I've slept all morning and now it's 2:30pm
I don't think Neil has been around.
Shedding the most subtle tears listening to this music via itunes.
The music I feel that defines me but I don't know any more... or my music taste is so complex that ... that means I'm so complex.
As I fiddle my hand through my hair I wish someone was beside me to rub my back, comfort me, but there hasn't been anyone and I fear there will be no one. Ever.
I still rock back and forth, thinking it's just the natural thing to do --- as seen from TV, movies, and shows. So I'm not sure if people of the human condition really do this when they are upset or just so confused like myself.
My tears have dryed up.
I've slept all morning and now it's 2:30pm
I don't think Neil has been around.
No Neil; No One But myself
Dear Insomnia:
"Why is this happening right now, Why does this happen?"
Have I said this 10 times already? I'm furious ---
and burning with desire wanting to know what's my fucking problem.
I'm tempted to throw things.
I can't seem to shed a tear or tears when I know I want to.
Pacing back and forth I will never get rest.
GAH!
The nights - I'm oh, so ... used to.
I HATE you!
Restless,
T.
"Why is this happening right now, Why does this happen?"
Have I said this 10 times already? I'm furious ---
and burning with desire wanting to know what's my fucking problem.
I'm tempted to throw things.
I can't seem to shed a tear or tears when I know I want to.
Pacing back and forth I will never get rest.
GAH!
The nights - I'm oh, so ... used to.
I HATE you!
Restless,
T.
A Follow Up... or fucked up.
I begin to formulate an idea. I stop.
I get confused quite easily, or flustered.
What is right or wrong?
To whom does it matter... family, friends, society, GOD?
Where is true happiness and is it attainable?
What is Love? Is is something you search for, or something you experience?
Pain is... struggling with the devil himself... or caused by a higher being whom you choose to believe in or not.
That's life...
I guess.
I get confused quite easily, or flustered.
What is right or wrong?
To whom does it matter... family, friends, society, GOD?
Where is true happiness and is it attainable?
What is Love? Is is something you search for, or something you experience?
Pain is... struggling with the devil himself... or caused by a higher being whom you choose to believe in or not.
That's life...
I guess.
Just before the 23rd B...
My pain is so deep that my love for life seems too superficial.
Am I going through this struggle of many struggles alone, or is there truly someone out there who is my soul mate, and has or is experiencing the exact same thing? I have so many questions unanswered with many barriers to break down. I just don't know where to begin...
Am I going through this struggle of many struggles alone, or is there truly someone out there who is my soul mate, and has or is experiencing the exact same thing? I have so many questions unanswered with many barriers to break down. I just don't know where to begin...
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Trying to keep up with blogging... no it's more like LIFE!
Well... all I can say is that it's been a while. My weekend was nice, and calm for the most part. I headed out to Oneonta, NY to visit my friend Enoch whom I have been talking to via the internet for six years now. It was the first time meeting him. It was also the first time taking a road trip by myself and more than a 2 hour drive. I have a feeling though under 3 hours is all my 1990 Toyota Tercel can take! Anyways... as I said all in all it was a good weekend. I am in my last week home before I head back to college for my Senior year!! Where has the time gone... lord knows! I mean he really does.
I woke up this morning around 5:45 AM... getting to bed just before 12-midnight. I don't know if it's adulthood kicking in, or that due to certain circumstances... I cannot sleep for more than 6 hours - granted I do take naps here and there throughout the day. Some would say PLENTY of naps in a given day! This morning I woke up to find my parents beat me getting up... some thinking it'd be the reverse :/. I started reading my first novel of SIX I am going to be reading during this fall semester. It's called Dreaming In Cuban by Cristina Garcia. Growing up, I wasn't fond of reading but I have fallen under the spell of what the written word can do... besides the use of worship/religious purposes, or figuring out how to do this and that, and the world news. It's a great feeling to say I can pick up a book and think to myself... I can't read that! It all comes down to basically overcoming obstacles. Speaking of obstacles, as I said I like reading and comng across words I don't know - my newfound, life vocabulary. I look up the word(s) for meaning then the next question is why did the author choose that word. It's the art form of writing , I suppose. Well since reading wasn't really my forte, I do brainstorm as much as I can before reading a novel if it's specifically about a certain time, or place... as Dreaming In Cuban clearly states. Well when I thought of Cuba initially... The dictatorship of Fidel Castro came to mind, and how recently his brother has taken over the country, I believe for the better of things! When I asked my Dad to spill out what he knew about Fidel Castro and all... he told me that one of his college roommates was from Cuba. I got all excited due to my interest in the spanish language. My dad expressed that he was only a roommate for only a month 1/2, but he fled the country under Baptista's regime. Later, my father found me reading and informed me - Castro took over Cuba on New Years Day - 1959. A simple thought of mine, regarding Cuba is that the capital is Havana or if you want to be fancy... La Habana. While reading a book... I take notes like crazy.
There was a sentence I came across in which I loved: "Pilar's eyes, Celia fears, are no longer used to the compacted light of the tropics, where a morning hour can fill a month of days in the north, which receives only careless sheddings from the sun." It was the way Garcia wrote what she wrote that just made me in awe. Is that sentence true, or could it be true in regards to being in the United States vs a country in Central or South America? My interest is because I have never been down to Central or South America since I was born - of course. Well I hope I don't desert you again, my dear blog!
Peace & Love Always!
T.
I woke up this morning around 5:45 AM... getting to bed just before 12-midnight. I don't know if it's adulthood kicking in, or that due to certain circumstances... I cannot sleep for more than 6 hours - granted I do take naps here and there throughout the day. Some would say PLENTY of naps in a given day! This morning I woke up to find my parents beat me getting up... some thinking it'd be the reverse :/. I started reading my first novel of SIX I am going to be reading during this fall semester. It's called Dreaming In Cuban by Cristina Garcia. Growing up, I wasn't fond of reading but I have fallen under the spell of what the written word can do... besides the use of worship/religious purposes, or figuring out how to do this and that, and the world news. It's a great feeling to say I can pick up a book and think to myself... I can't read that! It all comes down to basically overcoming obstacles. Speaking of obstacles, as I said I like reading and comng across words I don't know - my newfound, life vocabulary. I look up the word(s) for meaning then the next question is why did the author choose that word. It's the art form of writing , I suppose. Well since reading wasn't really my forte, I do brainstorm as much as I can before reading a novel if it's specifically about a certain time, or place... as Dreaming In Cuban clearly states. Well when I thought of Cuba initially... The dictatorship of Fidel Castro came to mind, and how recently his brother has taken over the country, I believe for the better of things! When I asked my Dad to spill out what he knew about Fidel Castro and all... he told me that one of his college roommates was from Cuba. I got all excited due to my interest in the spanish language. My dad expressed that he was only a roommate for only a month 1/2, but he fled the country under Baptista's regime. Later, my father found me reading and informed me - Castro took over Cuba on New Years Day - 1959. A simple thought of mine, regarding Cuba is that the capital is Havana or if you want to be fancy... La Habana. While reading a book... I take notes like crazy.
There was a sentence I came across in which I loved: "Pilar's eyes, Celia fears, are no longer used to the compacted light of the tropics, where a morning hour can fill a month of days in the north, which receives only careless sheddings from the sun." It was the way Garcia wrote what she wrote that just made me in awe. Is that sentence true, or could it be true in regards to being in the United States vs a country in Central or South America? My interest is because I have never been down to Central or South America since I was born - of course. Well I hope I don't desert you again, my dear blog!
Peace & Love Always!
T.
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