Notes to Self!

I need to organize my life!

I am seeing the big picture.

I need to work at what needs to be done. It won't miraculously happen!

My actions affects others around me.

Friday Morning thoughts

It's Hispanic Heritage Month in the United States, September 15-October 15th. As much as I love the fall season, this celebrated occasion always tends to creep up on me. I was just thinking about this time, next year... I will be on my way to turning 26 years old! Time, can you please stand still? I will need to reach the age of 25, successfully!

I have been listening to my Pandora station devoted to the Gipsy Kings a lot lately... sparks the interest in finding some sense of identity. Where do I come from? I believe knowing or in in my case, finding your roots is very important, or should be valued well.

I had been washing dishes this morning, listening to Latino music, and thinking to myself... in the motherland, taking care of of the family and home - is still mostly the females responsabilidad, no? It seems to remind me of the 1950's America - conservative era, as the men would be out working towards putting a meal on the table. In retrospect, I could go outside and rake the fall leaves... which would be an act of love; familia responsabilidad.

As I was finishing up with the dishes, our cat, Euchre helped himself to his dish of food. Normally, we put the dish back on the counter from his previous meal time. Dad had left the dish out though, so as I saw Euchre come out into the kitchen, I remarked "Euchre... helping yourself!! I wish to do the same..."

Good Friday to you!

An Imaginary Perspective...

I'm afraid I am going to miss a call from him. We haven't talked for about a week. I wonder if there will be a voicemail, asking 'What's wrong?' or 'What's going on?' as my phone isn't near me.

At the same time, if all this were true... I would let him know that I haven't felt; been myself this week. Well, that part is true.

An imaginary perspective...

"So that's what it is", he would exclaim. "You go silent for every other week. When you will you be, or feel like yourself again?"

I'd have to honestly reply, "I don't know...".

It's been one of those beautiful - dark days...

There are two people out there that I've met and would fall for... the thing is I haven't fallen completely. But, things would be far from perfect.

I am only use to men.

I question myself a lot... as in what it would be like to pursue something with a woman. The thing is that she would be the first female I've been with. We both would have past histories with men to bring to the table.

I could just be another guy to her, but to me... she'd be a part of a first time experience, which the thought of it, brings thrill and excitement to me.

A mess... over Love

Is this love so far, or so near?
Will I know what it feels like tomorrow, or next year?

An apartment, or an elaborate home that we will share?

Will I be preparing dinner, or coming home to a fine meal?

Will I be the breadwinner, or the stay-at-home lover?

Will I be expected to mow the lawn, or be able to read some Lewis Sinclair?

You will mean the world to me, but will I bring the happiness you deserve?

I could be a messy slob but will you care?

Let me dance, the dance!

With a father not well, A son not knowing all what to do... it puts me in a state of Love - I feel angry, sad, frustrated, and helpless... All within this love for my father.

I wish I could show my love for you. I feel I can only dance it out, or any other feelings for that matter.

I struggle with showing love, but I know the feeling is throughout my body, and throughout life. If only I could dance my expression out for you. I t would be so much easier than keeping it bottled up. If I could put my dancing into words, I'd be set.

Showing emotion is one of my many struggles, without the music, singing the song, or to dance.

Let me dance, the dance!

How would you define a life that is lived well?

Prompt from journalingpromts.com:
How would you define a life that is lived well?

I feel I can only list characteristics of people whom I feel are doing good, or well with their lives.

Independency - to be financially independent, and being able to act upon personal likes and interests and to share them with others. Also being out on your own encompasses being independent.

Job/Career - to have a job, number one, and to have one they enjoy or make the best out of.

Family and Friends - it is important to be surrounded by the people you love, or the ones to cherish your friendship, people who love and support you for BEING who You are!

I do not have independency. As far as work, I have gigs that pay money here, and there... nothing stable as of now. I'm gaining skills and experience but I still have yet made it in what you'd call the "workforce".

I am surrounded by the family I know.

I believe Love does surround us, but sometimes we as individuals show our true colors, and it turns out to be not so loving. I try to do my best day by day with the current situation I am in.

I purchased a bag that in big, bold, letters read: LIVE YOUR LIFE. At first, I thought how cheesy of me but let's just say I am trying... to the best of my ability with my given situation, with many deep breathes.