Yesterday seemed to be one of those "dark" days. After taking a shower around 10:15am, I had fallen into a spell of depression. I think people respond to depression in various ways, as after I cleansed myself up I fell back into bed. I struggled with getting myself back up and in gear. It was just after 1pm when I finally got up and moving.
Mother says the choices I am making furthers me into depression. Also, I think it is partially due or a lot to due with the grieving period, being unemployed, and struggling with figuring out what I should be doing with my life. Inactivity kicks in too... I need to find more productive, and meaningful activities to do to keep me busy.
In the afternoon, as I was reading the newspaper the "Dear Abby" section caught my attention. In our newspaper today, it is not "Abby" anymore. It is "Annie" and "Amy". The two passages seemed to resonate with some of my current situations. In Annie's mailbox, a wife writes about her husband, who's in his 30's and is having trouble with deciding on a career path. He is afraid of failure, and is heavily influence on his family values; his mother's input. A father writes in to Amy in regards to the living arrangements he and his wife has offered to their 23-year old son. I am just two years older than the recent college graduate, living at home with difficulty on the career path scheme of things. I enjoy reading other people's issues which are similar to mine, and hope to reflect, learn, and grow from them. In any situation, reading about other people's accounts can re-affirm - you are not alone.
This morning's devotional, Serve Him Today written by David McCasland also spoke to me just as strongly as yesterday's newspaper passages... just on another facet of life. I won't go into the religious passages, portions of the devotional but after having a rough start to yesterday, the devotional brought me encouragement to last me, hopefully for some time. A sentence that stuck out like a sore thumb, yet perfectly was this: 'We can't undo yesterday, but we can act today to influence tomorrow'.
1st Samuel 12, v.24 "But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you."
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
So it goes... 25
The birth month has six more days left... I am 25 years of age, writing on the 25th!
What do I make of being a quarter-of-a-century? I'm just going through the motions... not sure what to think of everything as my father's death is still so recent. It's been hard when it comes to birthdays... As Brittany celebrated her 29th in January, we celebrated with family friends. If I thought it was hard to be in good spirits, not sure how Brittany felt when she was blowing out the candle's on the cake without Dad's presence.
One thing I observed or took notice of was that the day before the birthday... you have so much hope, and wait in anticipation of your day, and a new year to begin! The day itself is, well what you make of it as any other day. The day before you celebrate, I feel is more exciting!
This month of March has treated me well thus far...
I worked on the musical at Elmira Free Academy. The performances were earlier this month. The students presented 'Footloose' as I provided the choreography for the show. I thoroughly love working on musicals and to be able to share my love and passion for the arts with others. I perform predominately Ballet within the dance concert settings. When I choreograph shows though, there is a portion of me in my work. The hard part to handle is the "letting go" process as production time arrives! Each night a cast performs , of course their nerves and adrenalin are high... mine as well! I love this time in my artistic life where I can still actively perform, and be a part of the creative process.
Sometimes I feel unhappy with where I am in life, with little accomplishments but I am truly blessed with the opportunities I've been given. I am still learning and growing from them.
With working in Elmira since January, I took a break from ballet classes and rehearsals. I just completed two weeks of some classes and rehearsals for 'Sleeping Beauty', the three-act ballet which will be presented by The Ithaca Ballet Company, April 30th-May 1st. I am performing the "Bluebird" Pas de deux, Variation, and Coda with Rosie, a dancer whom I've been working with throughout the season. The first week back was not so smooth, and learning the role was taxing on the mind and body... but I hadn't been in dancer mode for some time. This past week was a pivotal one. I feel much better on how things are going with rehearsals, and getting back into the regiment of taking classes. We have five weeks till performance time.
I'm not all to sure what to think about on the weather. We've had a very snowy start to Spring. As people are not all too thrilled with mother nature, I am thankful that this is a snowy March, and not April. Although, I do remember on one account... spending a weekend in NYC, April 2000 and waking up to a snowy manhattan. No, No, No!!
Another thing, on the topic - number 25... One of my favorite musicals has celebrated it's 25th anniversary in London, Bloublil, and Schonberg's 'Les Miserables'. One very neat fact, and furthers my love for this theater piece is that the show opened on Broadway, March 12, 1987. I am a '86 baby, but that's the birth day!
As April approaches... I am pretty sure my mother, Brit, and I will a bit emotional in our daily lives - as death of a loved one brings. April is my father's birth month. We miss him very much!!
What do I make of being a quarter-of-a-century? I'm just going through the motions... not sure what to think of everything as my father's death is still so recent. It's been hard when it comes to birthdays... As Brittany celebrated her 29th in January, we celebrated with family friends. If I thought it was hard to be in good spirits, not sure how Brittany felt when she was blowing out the candle's on the cake without Dad's presence.
One thing I observed or took notice of was that the day before the birthday... you have so much hope, and wait in anticipation of your day, and a new year to begin! The day itself is, well what you make of it as any other day. The day before you celebrate, I feel is more exciting!
This month of March has treated me well thus far...
I worked on the musical at Elmira Free Academy. The performances were earlier this month. The students presented 'Footloose' as I provided the choreography for the show. I thoroughly love working on musicals and to be able to share my love and passion for the arts with others. I perform predominately Ballet within the dance concert settings. When I choreograph shows though, there is a portion of me in my work. The hard part to handle is the "letting go" process as production time arrives! Each night a cast performs , of course their nerves and adrenalin are high... mine as well! I love this time in my artistic life where I can still actively perform, and be a part of the creative process.
Sometimes I feel unhappy with where I am in life, with little accomplishments but I am truly blessed with the opportunities I've been given. I am still learning and growing from them.
With working in Elmira since January, I took a break from ballet classes and rehearsals. I just completed two weeks of some classes and rehearsals for 'Sleeping Beauty', the three-act ballet which will be presented by The Ithaca Ballet Company, April 30th-May 1st. I am performing the "Bluebird" Pas de deux, Variation, and Coda with Rosie, a dancer whom I've been working with throughout the season. The first week back was not so smooth, and learning the role was taxing on the mind and body... but I hadn't been in dancer mode for some time. This past week was a pivotal one. I feel much better on how things are going with rehearsals, and getting back into the regiment of taking classes. We have five weeks till performance time.
I'm not all to sure what to think about on the weather. We've had a very snowy start to Spring. As people are not all too thrilled with mother nature, I am thankful that this is a snowy March, and not April. Although, I do remember on one account... spending a weekend in NYC, April 2000 and waking up to a snowy manhattan. No, No, No!!
Another thing, on the topic - number 25... One of my favorite musicals has celebrated it's 25th anniversary in London, Bloublil, and Schonberg's 'Les Miserables'. One very neat fact, and furthers my love for this theater piece is that the show opened on Broadway, March 12, 1987. I am a '86 baby, but that's the birth day!
As April approaches... I am pretty sure my mother, Brit, and I will a bit emotional in our daily lives - as death of a loved one brings. April is my father's birth month. We miss him very much!!
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