I Do...

You don't have to say anything... I don't know what you are going through.

I can't seem to make out what I'm going through either.

I don't understand this love you are feeling and speaking of. It seems perfect, but aren't we all afraid of What is... Perfect? As I have been told through the journey of life, perfection is unattainable.

We work towards perfection.

Love.

A relationship takes work... But is it ever attainable... Perfect?

I am not asking for perfection.
I am not asking for your love.

I'm just asking to be with you, for now, till tomorrow, until who knows when!

I love you.

It's Friday... a little 3 am writing

Too much hope, and many dreams. There is not enough love, to fulfill the rest of my life.

Your talk is sweet and lovely to me. The future we could hold that you've imagined... you and I but I don't think you know me well, to love me that much.

Men... and a fight with lust but I'm calling it love.

This morning a guy and a younger one, perhaps his son stopped by the house. As they rang the door bell, I put 'Moby Dick' down, and rushed to the door.

The guys were inquiring about a Cadillac parked on main street. A tree is to be cut down this morning and they were wording if the car belonged to us. It was not one of our cars, for main street parking only comes with an two-hour parking limit.

As much as eye contact is important in conversing with someone; when I look into men's eyes I feel weak. It's a weakness as if I were in love, and I'm not all sure where it comes from. He was just a stranger. It's quite an uncomfortable feeling that is... eye contact, or the thought of love. I feel like they know... these men I'm forced to have eye contact with on a social basis.

I feel like everything is sprawled out open when I make eye contact with men, and then it leaves me feeling ashamed.

Am I afraid of the male gender? Could one show me a special kind of love I long to cherish and hold on to? It seems right, or ideal but wrong... all at the same time.

Could eye contact be seen as a simple form of intimacy?

We do it every day...
but something forced is never right, or justified, especially on terms dealing with intimacy.

I know...

A mess... over Love

Is this love so far, or so near?
Will I know what it feels like tomorrow, or next year?

An apartment, or an elaborate home that we will share?

Will I be preparing dinner, or coming home to a fine meal?

Will I be the breadwinner, or the stay-at-home lover?

Will I be expected to mow the lawn, or be able to read some Lewis Sinclair?

You will mean the world to me, but will I bring the happiness you deserve?

I could be a messy slob but will you care?

Let me dance, the dance!

With a father not well, A son not knowing all what to do... it puts me in a state of Love - I feel angry, sad, frustrated, and helpless... All within this love for my father.

I wish I could show my love for you. I feel I can only dance it out, or any other feelings for that matter.

I struggle with showing love, but I know the feeling is throughout my body, and throughout life. If only I could dance my expression out for you. I t would be so much easier than keeping it bottled up. If I could put my dancing into words, I'd be set.

Showing emotion is one of my many struggles, without the music, singing the song, or to dance.

Let me dance, the dance!

How would you define a life that is lived well?

Prompt from journalingpromts.com:
How would you define a life that is lived well?

I feel I can only list characteristics of people whom I feel are doing good, or well with their lives.

Independency - to be financially independent, and being able to act upon personal likes and interests and to share them with others. Also being out on your own encompasses being independent.

Job/Career - to have a job, number one, and to have one they enjoy or make the best out of.

Family and Friends - it is important to be surrounded by the people you love, or the ones to cherish your friendship, people who love and support you for BEING who You are!

I do not have independency. As far as work, I have gigs that pay money here, and there... nothing stable as of now. I'm gaining skills and experience but I still have yet made it in what you'd call the "workforce".

I am surrounded by the family I know.

I believe Love does surround us, but sometimes we as individuals show our true colors, and it turns out to be not so loving. I try to do my best day by day with the current situation I am in.

I purchased a bag that in big, bold, letters read: LIVE YOUR LIFE. At first, I thought how cheesy of me but let's just say I am trying... to the best of my ability with my given situation, with many deep breathes.

Tuesday morning writings...

We're Twelve Feet In The Air!

I feel so high...
I want to smile, cheek to cheek!

People would question why...

Because I'm in love... with another guy is crazy, unheard of...
Nothing you talk about in this small town of ours.

I feel so good though! I wish I could announce it to the world...

12 feet high


BLAZY Blah-Blah!

This morning I left the house at a reasonable time. My car started up well. I really didn't forget anything...

Surprisingly, I had a great start to the day.

This is just to say?

I have been doing a lot of subbing in a local high school recently, and have sat in on some english classes covering poetry. One poem we covered was 'This is just to say' by William Carlos Williams. You can read that poem in the link posted below.

http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15535

One assignment the students had was to write a poem in the style, format based on this honest, brutally raw poem that expresses being incosiderate. It is a poem I find myself reading over and over again. You can substitute the plums with basically anything. Personally, beer seems more along my interest.

I took a jab at taking on the assignment myself. Here is how my attempt - whether a pass or fail, turned out.


KUHAR (written 5/28/2010)

I thought I was in love with you.

And you could have been overjoyed; happy with that.

Please forgive me, although you knew... Love can exist between two people. It was only lust... with you.

*My poem based on 'This is just to say' by William Carlos Williams.


Writing comes easy to me at the most random times. Yesterday, I wrote a statement where I didn't even attempt to mimic anything but here was free verse that ended up sounding like the tone/style that William Carlos Williams was in.

It sucks I have to be here...
and you, there.

I ask myself nearly every day,
was it love?

Listening is waiting 4/17/2009

If I were to chase after all the people that I think are hot, attractive, and beautiful... I'd be in a bigger hole than the one I'm in now.

I'm watching the city of Pittsburgh go home.

I believe that sex should be an act of love. ~So forgettable.
It's so easy to give into pleasure, fun, and enjoyment.

I'm no where near ready for love, or to love.

I am not ashamed of what I've done, or am I?

I do regret getting involved with peope whom made me feel happy, and loved. But, love wasn't there. It could be seen as bonding, a companionship of sort but not love.

Not to sound self-centered, but I need to work on me, and that will take time - in which time... I cannot control.

A Follow Up... or fucked up.

I begin to formulate an idea. I stop.
I get confused quite easily, or flustered.

What is right or wrong?
To whom does it matter... family, friends, society, GOD?

Where is true happiness and is it attainable?

What is Love? Is is something you search for, or something you experience?

Pain is... struggling with the devil himself... or caused by a higher being whom you choose to believe in or not.
That's life...

I guess.

Just before the 23rd B...

My pain is so deep that my love for life seems too superficial.
Am I going through this struggle of many struggles alone, or is there truly someone out there who is my soul mate, and has or is experiencing the exact same thing? I have so many questions unanswered with many barriers to break down. I just don't know where to begin...