The last couple days have been very long to me. I am done with working my 6am shifts at the hotel for the week. At work, I thought about sending a Thank-You card to my managers. I really like working at the hotel, and I am thankful to have a job! The staff has been supportive and encouraging with my artistic endeavor of performing in 'The Nutcracker'. I have been about to balance both the job and performing opportunity.

I, so easily forget how grueling the job hunting process was for me. I still continue to grow and learn with the working experience. My co-workers are nice and fun for the most part. I truly believe we are a working, disfunctional family... which I love because I need it right now!

Going on two months now, I met a really nice guy. His name is Ed. We met in October to have dinner at Chili's restaurant. Ever since I've been out of college and living at home, the serious relationship never appealed to me. Of course, I'd long to be with someone but was resisting the thought; idea of it as well. At the time, I was out job hunting, dancing, feeling very worthless as a newly college graduate, dealing with an over-bearing but loving father as and Adult-child at home, with mother working her day-time and part-time jobs.

With the loss of my father, last December, my heart has been broken... Dad and I had our struggles over understanding each other but as someone told me "He had a weird way of showing it"... His love!

I don't know if I can love again... a thought that goes in and out of my mind, a lot. I've been feeling very bitter, and heartless this past year, with dealing with Father's death. It has been quite transforming in my life and experiences.

At the time I met Ed, I was working two jobs with working at both places in one day, a lot! He can explain his side, but as I mentioned... I did not go out of my way; had no desire to meet a guy to date. Ed caught up with me on one of those days where I had a Full day off which was rare! In September, I only had three days off... not in sequence and not one day on a weekend. I would go into a working week or two, not knowing when I'd have a day off. There were times I had to ASK/Request off for my days off - which put me in a pretty cool position if you ask me!

I mentioned to Ed in one of our conversations before meeting that I was looking for friendship or some activity partner for platonic outings, that is if I had time! Having Ed catch me, and at the right time has been truly a delight! I can't pick out the right words to describe "Us" as he knows I've been struggling on. I will say I am seeing a great, genuinely nice guy. I'm still a bit awe-struck about running across him, and giving him the opportunity to meet up. He definitely knows, just hours before the first meeting, I was 50% game on giving a rain check. I felt quite shitty, but a lot unfolded from the shittiness I was feeling that evening. I am very thankful I got my butt out the door to meet Edward.

And... that's a wrap!

Peace & Love,
T.