Men... and a fight with lust but I'm calling it love.

This morning a guy and a younger one, perhaps his son stopped by the house. As they rang the door bell, I put 'Moby Dick' down, and rushed to the door.

The guys were inquiring about a Cadillac parked on main street. A tree is to be cut down this morning and they were wording if the car belonged to us. It was not one of our cars, for main street parking only comes with an two-hour parking limit.

As much as eye contact is important in conversing with someone; when I look into men's eyes I feel weak. It's a weakness as if I were in love, and I'm not all sure where it comes from. He was just a stranger. It's quite an uncomfortable feeling that is... eye contact, or the thought of love. I feel like they know... these men I'm forced to have eye contact with on a social basis.

I feel like everything is sprawled out open when I make eye contact with men, and then it leaves me feeling ashamed.

Am I afraid of the male gender? Could one show me a special kind of love I long to cherish and hold on to? It seems right, or ideal but wrong... all at the same time.

Could eye contact be seen as a simple form of intimacy?

We do it every day...
but something forced is never right, or justified, especially on terms dealing with intimacy.

I know...

This is just to say?

I have been doing a lot of subbing in a local high school recently, and have sat in on some english classes covering poetry. One poem we covered was 'This is just to say' by William Carlos Williams. You can read that poem in the link posted below.

http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15535

One assignment the students had was to write a poem in the style, format based on this honest, brutally raw poem that expresses being incosiderate. It is a poem I find myself reading over and over again. You can substitute the plums with basically anything. Personally, beer seems more along my interest.

I took a jab at taking on the assignment myself. Here is how my attempt - whether a pass or fail, turned out.


KUHAR (written 5/28/2010)

I thought I was in love with you.

And you could have been overjoyed; happy with that.

Please forgive me, although you knew... Love can exist between two people. It was only lust... with you.

*My poem based on 'This is just to say' by William Carlos Williams.


Writing comes easy to me at the most random times. Yesterday, I wrote a statement where I didn't even attempt to mimic anything but here was free verse that ended up sounding like the tone/style that William Carlos Williams was in.

It sucks I have to be here...
and you, there.

I ask myself nearly every day,
was it love?